Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

I found a great little sign on Martha’s Vineyard this summer. It reads, “Don’t believe everything you think.” As a multi-tasking entrepreneur, I am definitely prone to being in my head too much, or as my yoga teacher wisely refers to it, my “monkey mind.” If we believed every thought that crossed our mind, or reacted to everything we think, most of us would surely live in a constant state of chaos and unhappiness.

One thing I now know for sure is that the quality of your thoughts and feelings will determine the caliber of your life in general. The universe will return your joy, confidence and happiness to you; and it will return your fear, anger and envy as well.

Think of yourself as a mini radio station. You are constantly broadcasting signals about yourself to the world. The people and situations that match those signals are the ones that will tune in and become a part of your life experience. Some refer to this as “chemistry”, but it’s actually the resonance of your own personal energy that has been created by your thoughts and feelings.

If you believe this to be true, then you begin to realize that there is no one to blame, no fingers to point and no more excuses. In terms of your personal and professional success – or lack of it – you are 100% in charge. The accountability, direction and outcome are completely up to you. Our own consciousness creates our reality. Your self-observations, whether positive or negative, become your present reality. In other words, you become what you think about most.

It’s important to be fully aware of what you are focusing on. If you find yourself focusing on the things you don’t want, such as a difficult boss, too much debt or no significant other in sight, you want to stop and immediately shift your thinking. Here are just a few tools that work for me:

• Take a ten minute walk outside. Breathe in the fresh air, remember all the things you have to be grateful for and give yourself a little bit of time and space to daydream about the things or situations you want in your life.
• Read through a list of positive affirmations. In fact, combine this with your walk and say the affirmations out loud at least half a dozen times. Don’t worry if they don’t feel real to you yet. Put the energy out there and allow the possibility to exist.
• Enlist a positive, enthusiastic friend as your “feel good” accomplice. Any time you find yourself down in the dumps and focusing on the negative, call her for a five minute pep talk. Let her remind you of not only how wonderful you are, but also of everything you have to be grateful for in your life.
• Assess your environment. Are you surrounded by clutter and things you don’t love? Take some time to clear your space and keep only those things that are most meaningful to you.
• Keep a gratitude journal. Spend five minutes a day writing down all of the things you are grateful for in your life. Any time you need a mind shift, spend a few minutes reading through your journal.
• Help someone less fortunate that you. Volunteer. Mentor. Spend a weekend at a pediatric cancer ward. Nothing will snap you out of feeling sorry for yourself faster than helping an at-risk teen or someone who only has a few months to live.

By transforming even one negative thought, you can make a major shift in your energy. As you continue to make these shifts within, you will notice that everything around you will begin to change. Your thoughts are the direct source of your emotional energy – your feelings – and can either be your greatest asset or your greatest obstacle to genuine happiness and success.

©Liz Dennery Sanders 2009

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Ten Steps To Star Power

Bill Clinton has it. So do Michelle Obama, Sharon Stone, George Clooney and Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer. You don’t have to be six feet tall or have a trail of paparazzi following you to exude that “certain something”, that magnetic charm and appeal that draw people to you like bees to honey (or in Cesar’s case, dogs of all shapes and sizes). 

Why is it that some people draw others to them effortlessly and have a natural, easy way about them? Yes, they probably have superior communication skills and project calmness, confidence and authenticity. But charisma is not just the luck of the genetic draw, it is definitely something that can be learned and put into practice.

Here are ten things you can start doing today to develop your charisma and up your own star power:

1. Exude confidence – Even if you have to “fake it ’til you make it”, smile, stay calm and focus on helping the other person feel comfortable. Watch your posture – keep your head up, shoulders back and walk tall. Imagine that you are on the set of a film (perhaps you are the next Bond girl, or better yet, the lead in the next Clooney film) and it is your job to be confident. You have no choice but to radiate calm, cool and collected.
2. Focus on the person you’re speaking with – In fact, imagine that they are the only person in the room with you. Don’t let your eyes meander over their shoulder to see who just walked into the party. Be interested. People love talking about themselves, so ask friendly, open-ended questions that you think the other person will enjoy answering.
3. Mirror the other person – Mirroring is gently copying the other person’s physical mannerisms, movements and facial expressions when engaged in a conversation. Mirroring happens naturally in social interactions, but when you are conscious of it and are aware of its affects, it can be used as a tool for generating rapport. On a very subtle level, you are helping the other person to feel more comfortable. This will often lead to a very open and friendly conversation.
4. Don’t hog the airwaves – In addition to asking questions, it’s important to allow the other person plenty of time to talk. This means, stop talking. When you feel the desire to interrupt and add something to the conversation, bite your tongue. Talking more doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be remembered. Statistically, people find those who listen well not only to be the most interesting of all, but the people they will gravitate to most.
5. Be a connector – Make introductions and share your friends and acquaintances with others generously. Be genuinely happy and excited to see people and introduce them to each other.
6. People love the sound of their own name – There are hundreds of tricks out there to remembering names. Find one that works for you and use it. Hearing our name gets our attention instantly and deep down makes us feel respected and important.
7. Remember the Golden Rule – Treat others the way you would like to be treated. Deep down, everyone wants to be a VIP. When you treat others with courtesy, respect, enthusiasm and kindness, you’ll find much more of it in all of your own relationships.
8. Gracious manners don’t cost a dime – You will find that please and thank you go a long way, as does holding the door open for the person coming in behind you or walking up to the woman standing alone at the punch bowl to strike up a conversation. Most people won’t remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.
9. SMILE – A genuine smile is contagious and immediately lifts spirits. This one is such a no-brainer that if all you did was smile more, your star power would soar.
10. Have a signature something – whether it’s a haircut, an accessory or your crackpot sense of humor, have something tangible that people remember you by. It could be your handwriting, the way you wrap gifts, your cooking or the way you sign your name. Whatever it is, make sure it’s memorable and is 100% you.

You may not win the next season of “American Idol” or walk the red carpet at the Oscars, but put these tips into practice and your star will surely start to glisten. And you never know what opportunities and adventures will present themselves when you are at your charismatic best.

©Liz Dennery Sanders 2009

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Drew Gets It Right!

Actress Drew Barrymore looked positively chic Tuesday night at the premiere of her new movie, “Whip It” in Los Angeles. Dressed in a lacquered tweed sheath from the always glamorous L’Wren Scott, she accessorized with dangling Neil Lane earrings and red satin peep-toe pumps from Casadei.

Ms. Barrymore, who can often come across a bit disheveled, hit the nail on its very glamorous head with her choice of the body-skimming sheath in a luxurious fabric and the trend-worthy red satin pumps. Nice work Drew! We’d like to see more like this.

©Liz Dennery Sanders 2009

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