Where’s the Love?

In honor of Valentine’s Weekend, here is a reprint of my “Step Up To Success” column from the February edition of the Step Up Women’s Network newsletter:

About ten years ago, two weeks before Valentine’s Day, I walked up to the counter at a card store and handed the sales clerk my stack to check out. As he counted my cards to ring up at the register, his jaw got closer and closer to the floor as his eyes widened. “Boy, you sure do have a lot of boyfriends!” he said. At first I was slightly taken aback by his comment until I realized that he mistakenly thought the 52 Valentine’s cards I was buying were all for romantic interests. Let’s just say he assumed I got around. A lot.

As I tried to explain to him that I had many, many people in my life that I loved, I realized that I just wasn’t getting through. He wanted to believe that I was just hot stuff, and who was I to burst his bubble?

However, that incident left an indelible mark. Why does our society have such a limited definition of love? I have always adored Valentine’s Day, not for its romantic inclination, but because it celebrates love. Anyone can have an abundance of love in their life if they open themselves up to the possibilities of where it can be found.

Love can be experienced as many different feelings, from deep caring for another person to altruism, well-being, kindness and empathy. Really, why limit yourself to just one “type” of love? Love is one of those rare feelings to take on an infinite number of forms in our lives. Be it between a parent and child, siblings, cousins, best friends, fellow volunteers or mentor and mentee.

I have celebrated many Valentine’s Days without a significant other, but rarely felt like I was missing out as I cherished all of the love that was already in my life. My husband may not appreciate this, but if you’re putting all your eggs in one love basket, you may end up with a bunch of cracked eggs.

So maybe it’s time to stop searching for or idealizing that one true love. Love is infinite, love is abundant. And one thing I know for sure – the more you share, the more you get.

So yes, Valentine’s Day is my favorite holiday and second only to my birthday as my favorite day of the year. It’s a time to celebrate everyone that I love and count all of the blessings that I have in my life. So if you’re still thinking that Valentine’s Day is only for googly-eyed lovers and long-married couples and you’re asking yourself, “Where’s the love?,” I invite you to consider another option.

Love ALL the ones you’re with.

 ©Liz Dennery Sanders 2010

 

 

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Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life

I found a great little sign on Martha’s Vineyard this summer. It reads, “Don’t believe everything you think.” As a multi-tasking entrepreneur, I am definitely prone to being in my head too much, or as my yoga teacher wisely refers to it, my “monkey mind.” If we believed every thought that crossed our mind, or reacted to everything we think, most of us would surely live in a constant state of chaos and unhappiness.

One thing I now know for sure is that the quality of your thoughts and feelings will determine the caliber of your life in general. The universe will return your joy, confidence and happiness to you; and it will return your fear, anger and envy as well.

Think of yourself as a mini radio station. You are constantly broadcasting signals about yourself to the world. The people and situations that match those signals are the ones that will tune in and become a part of your life experience. Some refer to this as “chemistry”, but it’s actually the resonance of your own personal energy that has been created by your thoughts and feelings.

If you believe this to be true, then you begin to realize that there is no one to blame, no fingers to point and no more excuses. In terms of your personal and professional success – or lack of it – you are 100% in charge. The accountability, direction and outcome are completely up to you. Our own consciousness creates our reality. Your self-observations, whether positive or negative, become your present reality. In other words, you become what you think about most.

It’s important to be fully aware of what you are focusing on. If you find yourself focusing on the things you don’t want, such as a difficult boss, too much debt or no significant other in sight, you want to stop and immediately shift your thinking. Here are just a few tools that work for me:

• Take a ten minute walk outside. Breathe in the fresh air, remember all the things you have to be grateful for and give yourself a little bit of time and space to daydream about the things or situations you want in your life.
• Read through a list of positive affirmations. In fact, combine this with your walk and say the affirmations out loud at least half a dozen times. Don’t worry if they don’t feel real to you yet. Put the energy out there and allow the possibility to exist.
• Enlist a positive, enthusiastic friend as your “feel good” accomplice. Any time you find yourself down in the dumps and focusing on the negative, call her for a five minute pep talk. Let her remind you of not only how wonderful you are, but also of everything you have to be grateful for in your life.
• Assess your environment. Are you surrounded by clutter and things you don’t love? Take some time to clear your space and keep only those things that are most meaningful to you.
• Keep a gratitude journal. Spend five minutes a day writing down all of the things you are grateful for in your life. Any time you need a mind shift, spend a few minutes reading through your journal.
• Help someone less fortunate that you. Volunteer. Mentor. Spend a weekend at a pediatric cancer ward. Nothing will snap you out of feeling sorry for yourself faster than helping an at-risk teen or someone who only has a few months to live.

By transforming even one negative thought, you can make a major shift in your energy. As you continue to make these shifts within, you will notice that everything around you will begin to change. Your thoughts are the direct source of your emotional energy – your feelings – and can either be your greatest asset or your greatest obstacle to genuine happiness and success.

©Liz Dennery Sanders 2009

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What Are Your Success Anchors?

For entrepreneurs and executives alike, it can be challenging to stay positive, focused and motivated when times are tough. Whether it’s a client behaving badly, the loss of a big account or a dip in the economy, it can be hard to remember why you’re in it for the long haul.

We all need reminders about why we are doing what we are doing. When we see them we recall our own strength, determination and vision. I call these success anchors. When the waves are rough and the boat is in jeopardy of tipping over, we need the anchor to keep us grounded.

There are many ways to reinforce your path to success and stay on track. Here are a few of my favorites:

Create A Vision Board - Find images, words, quotes, etc. that motivate and inspire you and put them up collage-style somewhere that you will see them every day. What do you aspire to? Perhaps you want to be on Oprah or speak to a room of 1000 people. Find pictures of those things and put them on your vision board. Spend just a few minutes a day looking at your board and really get into the “feeling” of it all happening.

Focus On A Special Object - Either find or create a special object that you will keep in a place you see every day. If you have an inspiring quote that you love, put it in a beautiful frame on your desk. I have a smooth black rock that I wrote the word “courage” on to remind me to feel the fear and do it anyway. I also have a bright pink calculator that says “Punch Up Your Profits”. Every time I see it I am reminded that my definition of success is personal fulfillment in helping others AND financial independence.

Join Or Create A Mastermind Group - No one is successful on their own. Every solo entrepreneur needs support from other like-minded individuals and cheerleaders. The greater the numbers, the greater the brain power and creativity. Anywhere from three to ten people is ideal for a mastermind. You will also want to get together at least once a month to discuss challenges, opportunities and progress. It is said that you become the five people you spend the most time with, so make sure you are connecting with positive, enthusiastic, forward-thinkers who want the best for those around them.

Connect With A Mentor - I have always found it incredibly helpful to connect with women who are a few steps ahead of me in their own businesses. Modeling someone who has achieved something you want for yourself is an excellent way to learn and move forward. Most of the really successful women I know are extremely generous with their time and knowledge. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

When all else fails, one of the best cures I know for a bad day (or week) at work is an empathetic friend and a really good bottle of Cabernet. Running my own business for the past ten years, I have learned that today’s tragedy can become tomorrow’s triumph. Something that we see as a disaster today can actually make space for something better down the road. We don’t always get to see the full picture, we just have to have faith that things will ultimately work out for the best.

Most importantly, helping someone else to be and feel successful will keep you on the path to your own success. Just take one day at a time and don’t forget the wine.

©Liz Dennery Sanders 2009

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50 Life Lessons

Cleveland Plain Dealer columnist, Regina Brett, wrote this on her 45th birthday, five years ago. Having just turned 50, she added an additional five gems. I have read this numerous times over the past five years,  and every time I see it I am reminded to slow down. I also realize that I should probably be reading it every single day. Enjoy!

Regina Brett’s 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here’s an update:

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative – dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

41. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

To reach this Plain Dealer columnist:

rbrett@plaind.com or  216-999-6328

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Join me at the 6th Annual Step Up Inspiration Awards

Join me on Friday June 5th at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel for the 6th Annual Step Up Inspiration Awards, honoring Marcia Cross, Lisa Ling, Lauren Zalaznick and corporate honoree, The Container Store. This star-studded luncheon, fashion show and luxury handbag silent auction never fails to impress – and all for an amazing cause!

Step Up Women’s Network is a national, non-profit membership organization dedicated to strengthening community resources for women and girls. Through teen empowerment programs for underserved girls, women’s health education and advocacy, professional mentorship and social networking opportunities, Step Up ensures that women and girls have the tools they need to create a better future.

Step Up is on the cutting edge of women’s social philanthropy. The organization’s strength stems from members’ ability to leverage their personal and professional skills and relationships to give back to the community. The programs are designed to engage women in a way that inspires a life-long commitment to responsible, philanthropic involvement encompassing hands-on volunteer work and leadership opportunities.

This is your last chance to purchase tickets for this stylish affair. Join Tori Spelling, Mena Suvari, Aisha Tyler, Rachel Leigh Cook, Garcelle Beauvais Nilon, Melissa George and more as they sit front row for a fashion show by ARCADE by Rochelle Gores and peruse fabulous handbags by Dior, Chloe, Dolce & Gabbana, Roberto Cavalli and more at the silent auction. Meet the teen girls who participate in Step Up’s programs and hear their touching stories firsthand.

You can purchase your tickets online or call 213-382-9161 for more information. I look forward to seeing you there!

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Stand On The Gas

This evening I attended a fundraiser for Shane’s Inspiration, an organization dedicated to eliminating bias against children with disabilities. Their mission is to create Universally Accessible Playgrounds and programs that integrate children of all abilities socially, physically and emotionally, fostering acceptance, friendship and understanding.

My father-in-law was honored with a Visionary Leadership Award for the time he has dedicated to championing Shane’s Inspiration as the President of the Board of Commissioners of the Recreation and Parks Department of the City of Los Angeles and Chairman of the Los Angeles Parks Foundation.

I had the great pleasure of meeting and speaking with one of the other honorees, the lovely and inspirational Cody Unser. At 12 years old, Cody was paralyzed by Transverse Myelitis, a spinal cord inflammation. When she was just 13, she and her mother formed the Cody Unser First Step Foundation, which is dedicated to providing quality-of-life programs for those suffering from paralysis.

Over the past decade, Cody and her foundation have formed a TM research consortium spearheaded by Johns Hopkins Hospital, and after becoming scuba diving certified, formed “Cody’s Great Scuba Adventures,” which buddies children and adults of all abilities with divers to get certification. Cody is a political activist who has testified before congress and lobbied nationwide for stem cell research, following in the footsteps of her friend,  the late Christopher Reeve.

The daughter of two-time Indianapolis 500 winner Al Unser Jr., Cody follows her Dad’s words of wisdom to, “Stand on the Gas.” At 22 years old, she believes in continuously moving forward and living life to the fullest, no matter what the perceived limitations. Her desire to turn obstacles into opportunities is truly an inspiration to us all. Thank you Cody.

©Liz Dennery Sanders 2009

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